Words are the foundation of all our relationships, and they determine the success of the projects we engage in and the quality of the life we live. What we say to people shapes what we do, what we achieve, and what we gain.
Personally, I am convinced that we can accomplish ANYTHING if we use the right words and the healthy energy behind them.
Whenever you experience failure, that thing you wanted (within reason and logic, not science fiction) was surely within your reach—if only you had used the right words in your interactions. We always have choices, and the fact that we don’t know how we could have spoken or acted differently is simply the consequence of not training this innate ability we all possess—one that, unfortunately, tends to gather dust over time.
Below, I will discuss:
1. How does not-knowing how to use the right words affect us?
2. What exactly does this ability mean?
3. Why don’t we have it?
4. Three things you can observe, apply, and use starting TODAY to see a change in your life and relationships
5. How this skill can be trained and how long it would take to see a difference in your life
Imagine a writer sitting in front of an infinite, completely blank page. They have an idea, a plan, a desire… and a set of tools in a chest. It is entirely within their power to choose the right tool so that what they envision comes to life on the page.
The same applies to our lives: you are the screenwriter of your own life! The only difference is that you may have forgotten—or perhaps never discovered—the chest containing these tools. And yet, believe me, I am not exaggerating: these tools can be used in exactly the same way in your life, in your relationships, in any collaboration, in every interaction.
However, there are a few challenges that arise—challenges that are simply the consequences of not refining this ability.
1. How Does Not Knowing How to Use the Right Words Affect Us?
- We do not speak the language of the person in front of us. You know that moment when you agree on something with someone, but the exact opposite happens, and when you confront them, they seem genuinely surprised and don’t remember what you were sure was clearly settled? Yet, everything was crystal clear to you. You end up losing trust in that person, in people in general, maybe even in yourself and the quality of your relationships, which, over time, will leave you dissatisfied.
This is due to brain patterns that are – either A or B – from several criteria. I’ll write you the details below, stay with me. In short: if you are born functioning on pattern A and you interact with someone who functions on B, then you feel a much greater effort in establishing something, in understanding each other, even though at the level of desires, principles, needs you are on the same wavelength.
- We don’t see more than one path between us and our goal. You have the impression that you have to do X to get Y. You do X, you get stuck, you end up believing that it’s hard, that it’s impossible, that it’s not up to you, that it’s better another time… in short: you give up. Do you have the impression that the ability to use words has nothing to do with the creativity of coming up with new ideas, solutions, possibilities? Nothing could be more false! The writer’s tools through which he finds the right words, the precise techniques, the ways to do his job are EXTREMELY USEFUL in our daily lives regarding strategies, broadening options…
- We fill the space between us with dust – Instead of surgically using those few words that honestly and cleanly reflect: what we think / feel / want / grind us / propose, we fill our dialogues or messages with all kinds of nonsense, stories from the past, ideas that are not connected to each other – tiring the interlocutor, losing him, etc.
- Fear of refusal or rejection. We end up talking too much and too fast, trying to cover all the contexts that the interlocutor might think of in advance, trying to prevent rejection and starting the message from the emotion of FEAR, all our words – written or spoken – being loaded with this fear, and the result of our initiative is already parasitic. We attract exactly what we fear: we are refused, we are rejected, or (see below) interrupted:
- The fear (or even the reality) that we are not being fully listened to. Not using the right words leads us down some side paths, and this can be felt in the air (especially when we are face to face or in an online video chat, it is not excluded that while reading an email or a post we lose the person and skip a good part of what we have conveyed to them). We are fighting more than ever today, and this happens because we are not trained to speak the language of the person in front of us, but especially because we are not trained to PUT IN SIMPLE WORDS what we think / feel / want to convey. Sometimes we even amaze ourselves when we manage to get out of our mouths 5 words that have – just them, simply and concisely – so much meaning, sound good and are also true. We feel it.
We will never be listened to with interest (maybe just out of politeness) without knowing how to choose our words and structure our ideas in a dialogue or written message. And this CAN come naturally, unforced, without effort, but like a reflex, to happen by itself – I’ll tell you how below.
- Fear of not being understood correctly – Explicatita is one of the diseases of the century, so we tend to explain and take people around, trying not to be rejected, to make sure as much as possible that (…) <— fill in here with what you want, as the purpose of a discussion: we sell / we applaud / we receive support / we are done a favor / we take an extra step in a project / we have an activity together, etc.
We talk a lot, the energy of fear behind it is felt, we focus on explanations, sometimes other harmful behaviors appear (helplessness – another disease, we seek to offer something hoping to receive something in return, we force ourselves to please, we seek to draw attention to X-detail, etc.), instead of transmitting authentically, through the right words (which do not mean just words, but also the healthy energy behind them, ecological, loaded with truth, pure intention and oriented towards something positive).
- Lack of clarity and conciseness – is another form of manifestation of the chaos that happens in our mind, among thoughts. We have an idea, a desire, a plan – and it unfolds through an amalgam of twisted contexts in our mind. The result? Even in our thoughts we use the words jumbled up. What expectations should we have when we take action? Looking at things from this angle, are we surprised that our patience did not come out in the discussion with X? The writer has in his chest tools through which, whenever a need or desire arises, he polishes it and it becomes clear, concise, completely clear: WHAT it entails, HOW it becomes reality, WHY it is worth the effort, WHAT are the results and consequences.
- Distrust in what is IN us transferred OUTSIDE us – After many experiences in which we have quarter results or relational or professional failures, we lose confidence in a certain area (“I can’t sell”), in a certain context (“the couple relationship is not for me” / “it’s hard to have a beautiful relationship today”), even in ourselves, in our potential – resulting in plateauing, frustration due to an emotionally unnourishing routine, lack of vitality and lust for life, loss of the power to dream or desire things and experiences, inability to enjoy ourselves from the heart or to live certain states intensely. And all of this can be solved or prevented by developing the ability to use words in our lives!
2. What does the ability to use the right words actually mean?
I like to immerse myself in the life of the man who has this ability. And from there I can tell you what it’s like for him – day by day.
In the relationship with their own person
– their life is very clear and he knows where he is going
– they manage to obtain resources to succeed when he lacks them
– they ask the right questions
– they ask for support without being ashamed
– they receive answers that he can analyze smartly
– they know what to take and what not to take from around
– they adapt, reorient, are flexible, fluid
In business / at work / in their career (where they earns their living)
– they identifie very quickly when something is not going well / hurts them
– they do not waste time in discomfort
– they know how to make their feelings known, without accusing or getting into meaningless arguments
– they manage to ask for what they need without fear of being refused
– they offer when they feel, if they feel, without expecting anything in return
– they receive whatever they need, even if not as they first thought
– they adapt when a context is not suitable for them favorable
– idea #2, idea #3, alternatives, other possibilities come to them easily
– they don’t get stuck in frustration
On a personal level
– they easily say what they feel and what is good for them in their relationships
– they have personal time (perhaps the biggest advantage of this ability)
– they don’t neglect important aspects for them (sports, time with friends, relationship, passions, health, participation in events, etc.)
– they manage to disconnect from one aspect of their life in order to fully experience another in their own time (if at 3:30 PM they finish their professional activity, they don’t allow their personal time to be disturbed by an e-mail or phone call from work)
– they intensely experience joys and success, and when something doesn’t work out, they use this to their advantage, recharge themselves and absorb the lessons from their own experience
– All this as a result of using the right words, Octavian?
I answer you simply:
– YES!
We fail to have a high quality of life (in relationships, financially, the standard everyday state) because we have discomfort in certain aspects – each where he feels it.
Discomfort deepens as it appears in more areas of life and we stay there longer. As it deepens, solutions seem increasingly rare, harder to identify, more complicated to apply.
That writer’s toolbox – about which I was talking – applies not only to writing, but to the way we perceive things, how we make decisions, how we fall back when needed.
The ability to use the right words, therefore, has benefits:
– macro: how we see life and draw conclusions, how we make decisions, how we adapt
– micro: how we write a message, how we carry on a conversation, how we achieve something (an activity as a couple or a business contract) when we talk to someone.
3. Why don’t we have it?
Very briefly, the ability to use the right words and have a healthy energy behind them is unpolished because we go about our lives… Reason #1: Environment. At home or at school, no one taught us how to develop our emotional intelligence, how to have healthy relationships, how to have courage and self-confidence, or how to dare to dream and follow our desires.
No one is to blame for this: no one taught us, not even our parents or teachers. We grew up the best we could and took from the environment what we found there.
The first relationships – in our adolescence – of collegiality, friendship, couplehood, collaboration (carried out against the backdrop of our childhood education and environment) laid the foundation for the following relationships in which we already had previous experiences. We rush. We want a lot. We want everything. We are impatient. We fail to perform in a context, because there are dozens of other things that pull at us, that come to our mind or heart – and thus Reason #2 appears: Rushing and rushing. Rushing after everything, achieving nothing most of the time.
We would say that the cause is irrelevant (although there is a lot of substratum in it), we are rather interested in the solution: how can I develop my ability to use words to be better in my life, in relationships, in business?
4. Three concrete things for you today
I’ll keep it short, because I know our minds are thirsty for information. And if you’ve come this far, you’re curious to see how you can do better what you already do with words 🙂
(1) Pay attention to the operating filters
If you ask a friend why he wants to buy a car, the answer might be: to get rid of the bus, to stop depending on Uber, etc. If you ask another friend with the same desire, he might answer: to make it easier for me to walk around the country or to get where I need to with greater comfort, etc.
The first answers are called from: the person wants to get rid of something, to leave behind. The answers of friend #2 are called towards: the person aspires to something, desires, wants.
Each of us is predominantly (85-90%) either towards or from. And the remaining percentage, we have contexts in which we are – the analog filter. No one is 100% towards or 100% from. And neither of the 2 filters is right or wrong.
It is found by asking the question: What makes you to…? You somehow discover the motivation behind making a decision or supporting a need. And it’s easy to identify in yourself and those around you.
When you know that a man is predominantly from, proposing to him: Let’s go to the sea with a group, to sit on the beach, to go to a party, to play a board game will prove to be an ineffective approach, because his perception is set to ignore (involuntarily and without bad intention) external stimuli that are towards.
The same invitation, but formulated: Let’s go out of town, to get rid of stress, fatigue, to do something else, look at the sea, let’s leave our worries, change the scenery – it will turn out that the interlocutor is more receptive, more open.
Although an invitation to the sea sounds good to him, to communicate towards, not from, his first instinct would be to wrinkle his nose.
Similarly, there are many other operating filters. I’ll give you just one more example, brief and you draw your own conclusions: internal / external. How do you know that you’ve succeeded in something, what makes you realize that you’ve been successful in writing a book?
– internal response: well, I feel happy, fulfilled, proud of myself, etc.
– external response: well, I see that people give me good feedback, the book sells, etc.
🙂 some people get their confirmations mainly from within their being, that’s where the real and necessary validations are for them, while others get them from outside, from the feedback of those around them, from external events. There is no right or wrong. But, simply, we are as we are.
It is important, of course, to be able to very quickly identify which filters (and there are several) the person in front of us is operating on, so that we know how to speak to them and to be able to easily speak to them on a filter other than ours.
(2) Conciseness
It is important when you are faced with a question to be able to formulate the answer in a few words. Without dozens of explanations and stories, without beating around the bush…
Or when you want to convey something to be able to do it in 5-7 words.
How does that sound to you?
“Thank you for your interest in our offer. I believe the solution we propose is a perfect fit for your needs. If you have any additional questions, I’m here to clarify them. Let’s set up a meeting to go over the details. I look forward to your response so we can see how to move forward.”
But this?
“Great! Let’s see how it would actually fit you!”
Let’s not limit ourselves to a business conversation. Let’s look at a romantic relationship as well:
Indirectly:
“You know, I read an article (invention, right? He hadn’t read anything, he’s just ranting to get to something he’s afraid to say directly) about how important it is for partners to talk more than what the kids did and how it was at work. Maria sent it to me, saying that she and Andrei do this – they take one evening a week just for themselves, no phones, no distractions.”
Directly::
“I would love to have one evening a week just for us. At home, out in the city, anywhere—just without phones or distractions. This is important to me.”
(Read the lines above in your mind using different tones. This will make it very clear that it’s not just the words that matter, but also the energy behind them.)
(3) Simple words
Today, more than ever, you see people everywhere speaking in a pompous manner, using specialized language, believing that plain, person-to-person speech is not taken seriously, is inelegant, or whatever other thoughts they may have.
Every person, in their own home, speaks the way they naturally do. Every person, in their own bathroom, sits on the toilet once a day.
Every person appreciates being respected through the sincerity with which we address them—by being direct, honest, normal, natural, and unforced.
People love simplicity.
Simplicity brings people closer.
The pompous phrase:
“Allow me to convey my sincere appreciation for your remarkable achievements, which demonstrate a profound understanding and a sophisticated approach to the subject at hand.”
Simple and human reply:
“I really appreciate what you’ve done, it’s clear you put a lot of heart into it.”
Now,
attention to filters,
conciseness,
using simple words
are just a part of what you examine with a magnifying glass in the writer’s toolkit. It’s important to have discernment and honesty with ourselves: not to judge or beat ourselves up for not knowing or not being good at (…). We are each at a certain point in our lives, either satisfactory or unsatisfactory – and from any context, things can get better.
The ability to use words in our lives brings emotional clarity, authentic relationships, and accelerated speed in achieving stable and great results.
– Is it worth giving them time?
– You decide! 🙂
Is it worth no longer living in stress or uncertainty? Is it worth feeling good in your relationship? Is it worth not getting into an argument in one out of three discussions?
Is it worth shaking hands easily with potential partners? Is it worth not staying stuck in the same stage in a project or in the same frustration in your personal life?
I say it’s worth it… 🙂
5. How can you train this ability and how long would it take?
The writer’s toolkit helps us here. His chest full of tools—I would call them—magical. They are ways we come to function, and for our peace of mind, it’s not about forcing ourselves to function better with this ability, but letting it come naturally, right?
For this skill’s acquisition and development, training is required—one that ingrains in us the naturalness with which we learn (again, this time in a healthy and conscious way) to live, speak, and function.
As a set of tools, we will reach, depending on the need and the context, to pick instantly, like from a tree, the fruit needed right now, here. At first, we will notice it—because it’s something new—and then it will happen naturally because the new lifestyle becomes the new standard. The new natural. 🙂
However, we want this to manifest not only in dialogues or messages but also in the other macro aspects mentioned above. Therefore, one way or another, it’s important to take the tools, understand them, and apply them. They belong to the writer, so through writing and training, they can be truly understood.
Seeing the power of words, I’ve created a Journey through which we learn and develop this skill in a way that’s not only fun, engaging, but also efficient and productive.
Since we’re learning, let’s not just learn and then figure out how to apply it, but learn by doing something practical, already having a concrete and functional result: the journey I’ve created is called Your Signature Book. It’s a 48-week journey (with minimal weekly involvement in terms of time, but crucial for the result) in which you develop this skill by following a series of guided exercises led by me, working individually with you. Throughout these weeks, starting from a passion of yours or an area of expertise, you’ll write a book that helps you become a leader in that field, by building a product or service to offer to your readers—those who discover you page by page.
In this mentorship program, you’ll receive absolute step-by-step support, from identifying what’s worth writing and what you would love to write, without getting stuck along the way or feeling the absence of inspiration or (honestly, the non-existent) writer’s block—even if you’ve never written before and believe you have no talent.
This is how you learn to use the tools from the writer’s chest and apply them in your life: by building a personal project that becomes a turnkey business through the services offered by me and my team. You won’t just have a published book and a product built, but you’ll also implement the entire ecosystem—promotion and sales strategies, premium services offered by my publishing house and my marketing agency.
In 8 months, you’ll master the skill of using the right words in your life, career, and relationships. Plus, you’ll have a published book, an online infrastructure through which people discover it, buy it, and ask for more, so that you’ll have more time and a financial resource—created once, automated, and functional—that gives you the freedom to enjoy your life and passions, your personal time.
I’m sure many questions arise as you read my words—some sound good, while others might hold you back, thinking (it’s complicated, it’s not for you, how could you possibly…) and I respond: Here’s a consequence of not using the right words! 🙂 Instead of drawing conclusions that don’t serve you, I suggest you use the most accessible words and have a dialogue with me. Let’s see together what we can do and how, so that the ability to use words becomes your new way of life.
All you have to do is click the button below, leave me your details, and we’ll schedule a free 45-minute Zoom call, where we can talk in-depth about how this journey could unfold for you in a way that truly serves your desires and needs. Since it’s an individual thing, the journey can be adapted 🙂 The results are just as beautiful! I strive daily to honor this!
If you liked the article and found at least one valuable thing for you, share it, post it on social media, leave me a comment, or even write me privately (for all options, the button is below), because the words written come to life not when they’re put on paper, but when they create an interaction. 🙂
Talk soon!
Octavian